Lessons in Conflict Management

Years ago my good friend and college room mate, Michael Soenen (then serving as the CEO of FTD Floral Co.) said something to me that I will always remember: "Conflict is not a bad thing. It's how you handle the conflict that is the issue." This is not self-evident, but it is true--in family life, in community life, and in church life. Now, you can "win" a conflict or you can "resolve" a conflict. It takes courage go face-to-face with the principals in a conflict, and you can "win" one that way, but in addition to courage it takes faith and hope and love to resolve a conflict. St. Paul speaks of this love in 1 Corinthians 13:

⁴ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (ESV)

In an earlier post I wrote of the extraordinary trip by two early "fathers" of The Lutheran Church--Missouri Synod, C.F.W. Walther and F.C.D. Wyneken. I want to return to that briefly today and a lesson from them in love and managing conflict...

I am reading the wonderful "travel reports" by Walther and Wyneken in Rev. Matthew Harrison's At Home in the House of My Fathers: Presidential Sermons, Essays, Letters, and Addresses from the Missouri Synod's Great Era of Unity and Growth (Lutheran Legacy, 2009). I am particularly taken today by the words of Wilhelm Loehe, the Bavarian Pastor who was a key supporter of the nascent German Lutheran Church in America. Loehe had theological "misgivings" about the direction of the early Missouri Synod and those misgivings were breaking out into conflict. To help resolve this the Missourians had invited Loehe to come to America, but there was so much broader church trouble in Germany that Loehe was unable to accept the invitation. In response, a response Loehe recognized as a great act of love and sacrifice, the Missourians sent their leaders, Walther and Wyneken, to Germany. Here is part of Loehe's report on the visit, originally published in his Kirchliche Mittheilungen, no. 10 (1851):

Now that we have seen them [Walther and Wyneken], and pondered that which was said, we may well state that our hope for peace was not in vain. Sometimes during our talks it seemed as if we each started from different bases, but after advancing toward each other for a while, we did come together, and peacefully so. Entirely different circumstances often teach (us) to see, understand, and portray one and the same common truth from different sides. These interpretations then suffer sometimes from a certain one-sidedness. However, if these perspectives, opinions, and explanations are compared to each other, and no passion or peculiarity muddies the view, then the right, all-around, ecumenical comprehension can be agreed upon.Then the voices step out of the opposition of one-sidedness and into harmony, the unity in diversity. (At Home, p.67)

The nascent Lutheran Church--Missouri Synod, in its lay and ordained leadership, showed great courage in sending their leaders to their beloved brothers in Germany. I believe they had courage precisely because they--and the men they were sending--were filled with faith, hope and love. This is a great lesson for each of us, in our families and communities and churches.

Lord, help us to see our own faults, that in times of conflict we may be filled with repentant humility. Send us the Holy Spirit that by your Son's example, in light of His cross-borne forgiveness, we may journey confidently to those brothers and sisters with whom we have conflict. Let us be in these meetings who we are in You, filled with love and bearing the fruit of the Spirit, that we may hear and speak the truth graciously. Amen.